Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
