In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
