i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's official drugs can't kill me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
