have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
