remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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