I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
