i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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