Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
