Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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