1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
