Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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