You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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