So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
