And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
