dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sext me about skeletons
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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