JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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