Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
