Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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