Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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