Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
