They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
