I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone says I win the strip club
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
