Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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