I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
