I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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