Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
smell my finger.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
