I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
