There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
