I'm going to jail i love you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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