I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
