I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
