So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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