Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Couch. On fire.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
