he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
