Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
