dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
