Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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