New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
