Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
