I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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