omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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