why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
