I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
