he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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