i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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