fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
