tell your sister to shave her snatch
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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