I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
