careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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