For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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