My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
