PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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