You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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