You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
