Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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