he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
