Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
