I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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